i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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