Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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