I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
