Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
