I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
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