Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
