What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
