I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
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