porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize