if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
