Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Randomize
