Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize