wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
