we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
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Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
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Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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