and you said cock pushups were impossible
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
