i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
