Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My pussy is not your playground.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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