When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
