What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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