No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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