just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
