my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
