He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
