Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
only you would photoshop your dick
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
