I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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