every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
