I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
