I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
