I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
