At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
