So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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