..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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