One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
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