i just made my gag reflex go away.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
