I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
