Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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