ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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