FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
