I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
