Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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