i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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