You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
