I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
