Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Randomize
