So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
