I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
