all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize