there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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