You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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