I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
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