Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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