she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
