Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
