I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
