I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
