but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
