I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
