i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
