Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
