The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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