Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
