Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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