You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
