sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Randomize
