whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
