I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Hippo gnu deer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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