Just fell off a train. Bad.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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