I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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