My vagina just recognized that song.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Randomize
