Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
