it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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