Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
