So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
