I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
