i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
