Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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