all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
