just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
My life is pants optional.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
