My brain says no but my pants say off.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
