He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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