were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
