the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
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We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
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But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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